Here are two final stories (for now) from my insensitive clod of a friend. He really seems to enjoy relating how the biggest fights with his long-suffering wife got started. Once again, I'll give him the floor...
When our lawn mower broke, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first: organizing my tools, shining the boat, taking a nap, making beer... you know, things more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way, at least in her mind, to make her point. When I arrived home from work one day, I found her sitting in the tall grass in front of our house, busily snipping away at the grass with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
"See what it's come down to?" my wife said with a sigh. "What do you have to say to this?"
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I came out a moment later and handed her a toothbrush.
"When you finish cutting the grass," I said, "you might as well sweep the driveway."
Big fight ensued.
* * *
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
Finally I asked her, "Do you know that guy?"
"Yes", she sighed. "He's an old boyfriend I haven't seen since high school. From what I've heard tonight, he took to drinking right after we split up, and hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
Big fight ensued.
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