Marital bliss

Greg and Monica are on their way home from a party one night and Greg gets pulled over by the police. The officer tells Greg that he was stopped because his back tail light is burned out. Greg says, "I'm sorry officer, I didn't realize it was out, and I'll get it fixed ASAP."

Just then Monica says to her husband, "I knew this would happen when I told you five days ago to get that tail light fixed."

So the officer asks for Greg’s license and after looking at it says, "Sir, your license is expired."

And again Greg apologizes and mentions that he didn't realize that it had expired and that he would take care of it first thing in the morning.

Monica then says, "I told you a month ago that the state sent you a letter telling you that your license had expired."

Well, by this time Greg is quite a bit upset with his wife contradicting him in front of the officer, and says in a rather loud voice, "Monica, shut your mouth!"

The officer then leans over toward Monica and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you like that?"

Monica replies, "only when he's drunk."

Sunday night jottings

It's been a busy Sunday (food shopping, gassing up the cars, various other errands, finally getting some dinner at a local spot), but I couldn't let the whole day go by without writing at least a little something. So what to write, what to write? How about something about a movie we saw?

When things finally settled earlier, we sat and watched Clint Eastwood's Changeling on DVD. It's a good film, well acted and directed, about a missing child case in 1928 Los Angeles. The subject matter is uncomfortable, but it's interesting throughout, with lots of great period detail. I'm sorry I didn't see it in the theater instead of via Netflix.

My wife liked it, too, though it was hard for her to forget the opening moments and just watch the rest of the movie. "How could a mother just leave her kid alone at home? she said. "You get called into work, you get a sitter, simple as that. The kid never would have disappeared if she didn't leave him alone in the first place. The kid was like six!"

Ah, motherhood. I kept quiet and let her vent. It was the best course, I thought. Besides, Angelina Jolie eventually did her work and created sympathy even in my critical wife.

Anyway, good film, check it out.

Listen up...

An Irishman, an Italian and a priest walk into a bar. The bartender says, “What is this, some kind of joke?”

One for you physics majors

A neutron walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'd like a beer." The bartender promptly serves him one.

"How much will that be?" asks the neutron.

"Since you’re a neutron?" says the bartender, "no charge."

Get immersed

Probably the best compliment I can give to Stephen King's huge, sprawling novel, Under the Dome, is that it could have been longer. In fact, I wouldn't have minded if Mr. King's lavish tale of a mysterious, impenetrable dome suddenly appearing over a sleepy Maine town had been presented to us as a trilogy. No, really. The first book could have been 500 or 600 pages long and covered the appearance of the dome and its initial effects on the residents of Chester's Mill; the second book could have been about the same size and titled Life Under The Dome, depicting exactly that as the trapped townspeople adjust to their predicament, and many begin to scheme; and the third book could have been called Endgame or some such similar title, showing over the course of another 500 or 600 pages everything coming to a head. There was certainly enough potential story in Mr. King's compelling, imaginative scenario to fuel all that, to produce a story spanning weeks or even months.

Instead we have this one detailed yet fast-moving book that does all those things over the course of about 1000 pages that cover just under a week in the lives of the characters (things go bad really quickly in the story). And, who knows, maybe it's better that way. Because, even though I wanted to see more of the dozen or so active characters and their various situations, that doesn't mean that a wish like that should be granted. After all, isn't it a sign that something's working if it leaves you wanting more?

In Under the Dome, Mr. King does what good authors should always do: He gives us a good bit of what we expect from a favorite author, but then throws in some surprises, too. Here we get the former in the way of that old King stand-by: a huge disaster coming out of nowhere that, as well as scaring us (and doing that quite well), is really there to reveal the true natures of the various characters in play. On the latter front, I was pleasantly surprised at the skillful, artful way that poetic description, especially of various characters' dark memories and the feelings going along with them, is weaved into the more immediate, concrete story of the dome and the deadly situation it presents.

More specifically, the increasing frustration of the dome, soon seen by many of the town's residents as a cruel cosmic joke inflicted by an uncaring, anonymous outside force (God? Aliens? Government scientists?), eventually dredges up several characters' own memories of cruelty, either cruelty they experienced at the hands of others, or, more sadly, cruelty they themselves inflicted. In fact, these dark memories, often presented in a dreamlike and nightmarish manner, might be the key to the characters' very undreamlike, increasingly dangerous current situation.

I really shouldn't say too much more, as it's best to just jump into the book, immerse yourself, and discover the story's surprises for yourself. But it's safe to tell you this: the big set pieces work great; the more intimate set pieces are just as good; and the characters, both the nicer ones and those of the more villainous variety, are all interesting and complex. My favorite characters were the ones who started out one way but found hidden strengths, depths, and skills as a result of the dome. This happens with a handful of both "good" and "bad" characters, though I liked it best when it happened to the good characters.

My final thought is an echo of my opening one: If Under the Dome seems potentially interesting to you, don't let the size of the book scare you off. Really, like me, you'll probably end up wishing it didn't end so soon.

Under the Dome is available on Kindle for $9.99.

One fine Thursday at the bar...

A man goes into a corner taproom with his German Shepherd. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink.

The bartender says, "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"

The guy, without missing a beat, says, "But this is my seeing-eye dog."

"Oh, man, I'm sorry," the embarrassed bartender says. "Here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.

Another guy walks into the bar carrying a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, calls him over him, and says in a low voice, "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog."

The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. Sure enough, the bartender says, "Hey, no dogs allowed in here!"

Using the advice he just received, the man says, "This is my seeing-eye dog."

"No, I don't think so," the bartender says with suspicion and annoyance. "They don't have Chihuahuas as seeing-eye dogs."

The man thinks quick and says, "What?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!"

Good to see you here

As of this writing, an even hundred people have voted in my latest poll, this time about your favorite reading genres (if you're reading the Kindle version of this blog, you'll have to visit Kindle Taproom on your PC to see the poll and vote). Thanks to all of you who stopped in and recorded your selections. I hope some of you stayed a while after voting, and that you'll stop back again. That's what it's all about, after all: friendly interaction among Kindle users. It's no fun if it's just me talking. I'm glad you're here, too.