More observations from Aaron Karo's Ruminations.com:
The President, who has arguably the most important job in the world, has nothing on his desk but a phone and a pen. I have arguably the dumbest job in the world and it looks like Office Depot threw up in my cubicle.
Movie characters are always so badass. If they wake up mysteriously in a hospital alone and beaten up, they just rip the IV right out of their arms and slip past the nurses. I would at least want to see my chart first, and maybe get some juice.
"Smooth as a baby's butt" implies too much baby butt rubbing for me to feel comfortable using that expression. I prefer "smooth as a soapy boob".
Apparently, I would rather break my teeth or put a hole in my new shirt than locate a pair of scissors to cut the tag off.
Whenever I choose to go down the stairs next to a crowded escalator, I feel the need to move faster than the escalator to prove to the people on board that I made the better decision.